Fancast: Inside TV

bang up job leading the men of team Hydra to victory last week, that Mr. Trump asked him if he would be the project leader for the ladies team, Empresario. Of course he would, they’re chicks and Gene loves chicks listening to what commands. When Donald (we’re on a first name basis) asked him if wanted to lead them, Gene said, “This is a role I was born for, I’m the King of all women!” He’s so modest. He started things off by telling the women that “they all need to listen to me.” Obviously this didn’t sit well with Omarosa. No one tells her what to do. One thing I love about Gene is that he loves to talk in the third person. “Gene Simmons was born for this role.” I wonder when he’s going to change the name of the band to “Gene Simmons’ KISS.”

This week's job was to create an ad campaign for Kodak’s new printer and inexpensive printer cartridges. Gene recited some slogans off the top of his head that he thought were truly brilliant. “It’s a Kodak world and we just live in it.” Man, is he prolific. I would have loved to been there when he penned “Christine Sixteen.” I’m sure he put the same effort into it. “Hmm, what rhymes with Christine? Pristine? Nah. Sistine? Nope.. I got it! Sixteen!” He’s a genius if he does say so himself.

On board this week was MSNBC’s resident lunatic, Jim Cramer, host of Mad Money. He would gauge the business efforts of both teams.

Chosen as the group leader for Team Hydra was Ultimate Fighter, Tito Ortiz. I have nothing bad to say about Tito since he can kick my ass easily. So he’s all good in my hood.

Stephen Baldwin suffers from a very common syndrome, he loves to hear himself talk. I think he and Gene should co-host a talk show called, “I can’t get a word in edgewise.”
At one point Stephen was actually standing on the table preaching some nonsense. Piers Morgan suggested that Lennox Lewis and Tito should be the cover boys for their print campaign. Using a slogan, “Kodak presents the ink that’s going to knock you out!” He’s so clever.

In the Empresario meeting room Gene was babbling so much that Nely Galan asked what astrological sign he is, Gene answered,. “Dollar sign, baby!” You gotta love him.
Each team would hit the streets with a sleek Airstream camper that they would dress with their slogans and banners. Inside they’d take pictures of pedestrians and try to sell them some ink and printers.

One passerby for Hydra was none other than Alec Baldwin. I’m sure Stephen called him and begged for an appearance, but I’m sure his employers at NBC who air his show “30 Rock” were a little more persuasive. Alec also said of his baby brother when asked about his selling ability, “No one is more full of crap than Stephen.” I’m right with you brother. Piers liked Alec and commented, “He showed everyone what a real Baldwin is.” Ouch Stephen!

While Hydra was taking pictures of Lennox and Tito, Stephen got a little too excited, knocked the table and subsequently spilled a cup of coffee all over one of their laptops. Or as Trace Adkins said, “he spilt coffee.” They have several laptops, however this one had all their files with the artwork. Way to go Stephen. Piers just looked at him and said “tragedy.” I think he was referring to his film career though.

The ladies really dressed their camper nicely, personally, a lot better than the men did. Jim Cramer commented on the sloppy way Hydra did theirs and compared it to a “dumpster.” In a private moment, Trace had a stock tip for Mr. Cramer. “Kodak stock will soar after our campaign.” Whew, and to think the shareholders might have been worried about slumping dividends.

The execs from Kodak looked at both campaigns and liked one much better than the other. The Kodak execs wanted to meet with each team to talk about their product, Empresario leader, Gene, was notably absent. Nely Galan was there however and didn’t shut her yapper. The execs were annoyed by her to say the least. She claimed in the boardroom that she “was just asking questions” but there’s a thin line between asking questions and being a nag. Sorry, girl.

In the boardroom Tito put on a suit that I thought only a P-Diddy could pull off. A cream silk satin pinstripe number that made him look like he was ready for a party honoring pimps. The Kodak execs loved Hydra’s campaign and made them the winners. Tito’s children cancer foundation would be the recipient of the money. They are now 3 and 0. When Empresario met in the boardroom with Donald and Ivanka. Who btw, looked ravishing in a nice wintery wrap. It was obvious that Nely would be the one to be fired. She was yapping too much. In everyone’s face and it was clear that she was the one to be dismissed. Or was she?

Omarosa badmouthed Gene and said he lacked a clear plan for their team. Gene was dumbfounded that his team lost and kept saying to Donald, “Kodak is wrong!” Donald was laughing about Gene’s cockiness but was clearly upset that Mr. Simmons just couldn’t grasp the fact that his team did a lousy job. Watching the action from their war room, a liquored up Hydra team kept toasting, “Gene gone!” It’s clear that they can’t stand him.

Donald made quite a case or Nely to be fired. When he asked Gene “Who should be brought back to the boardroom”, meaning who are the candidates to be fired, Gene said, “Omarosa and Jennie.” When Donald went around the room asking the other opinions, everyone clearly said that it should be Nely. But Gene likes to buck the system. When they hit the private tete a tete with Donald and Ivanka, Donald kept insisting to Gene, “How could you bring in Omarosa and Jennie?!

Neither of them did anything wrong on this project. I gave you the roadmap, it’s was supposed to be Nely, how can I fire either of the two you chose?” Trump was clearly frustrated, as was I. I knew what has about to happen and so did Donald, but he had no choice to say, “Gene, you’re fired.” So it shall be written, so it shall be done. Gone from the show is the self proclaimed, “King of all women.”

Damn! He is so colorful and added spice to this season’s Apprentice and now he’s gone. I think he wanted to go. He has too much business to take care of being the general of the Kiss Army. In his limo leaving the office, Gene kept saying that “Kodak was wrong” and the ladies “Don’t have a popcorn fart chance of beating the men!” Popcorn fart? What a phrase, was Popcorn Fart the B-side of the Christine Sixteen single?

He was an idiot though and now he’s gone. And what’s worse, I can’t goof on his hair anymore! He just made my job a lot tougher. Oh well, you know what that means, look out Stephen Baldwin, you are now my main focus of comedy. I’ll miss Gene. Of all the reality shows that are 2 hours while Apprentice is only 1, this show could easily hold my attention for at least 2 hours. It’s shot well, edited superbly and the flow of action doesn’t stop. And Ivanka, if you’re reading this, call me.