Fancast: Inside TV

shirts with hot dogs on them and baseball caps with their names emblazoned across. Be a little creative, at least put the picture of the hot dog in a provocative place on the shirt. More importantly, let’s show some skin! If I’m the team leader (Omarosa was the team leader for the ladies) put Tiffany in a bikini, set up a pole and let her sell some hot dogs, properly! After all, what is she famous for? Posing nude. Use what God gave you! Even Marilu Henner could have been in a one piece.

And here’s the worst part, as much as I can’t stomach Omarosa, I find myself strangely attracted to her. My parents are spinning in their graves from that thought, but nonetheless, there’s something sexy about a loud brash women. Maybe it’s just because I assume the sex would be wild. At one point I was so bored I had myself in a mental six-some with Omarosa, Tiffany, Carol Alt, Nely Galan and Jennie Finch. Oh, exactly who is Jennie Finch? What, you don’t follow Olympic ladies softball? Don’t worry, neither do I. But it was a fun sixer in my mind anyway.

I excluded Marilu because I was a fan of Taxi and Nadia Comenici because I’m only into U.S. Citizens. But that’s me.

The Donald stopped by the ladies hot dog stand with none other than multi-multi New York mayor, Michael Bloomberg. I suppose running the busiest city in the world isn’t a full time job and it allows for the head muckity-muck to have time for hair and makeup, rehearsal, and actually shooting his segment. The mayor is rich, very rich, why couldn’t he take 10k out of his pocket and buy a hot dog for charity? What’s his next move, are we going to see him on 1 vs. 100 or make an appearance on Deal Or No Deal? Regardless, the women lost the first challenge.

Business wise, the men had it all going, they were shrewd. Gene made some calls to his business associates (who will probably just expense the cost of a 5k hot dog back to him anyway) and they were off to the races cash wise. The dudes fetched a whopping 52, 286.00 smackers and the women raised a paltry 17, 038.00 dollars for their weak efforts. The Donald announced that the total take for both teams; 69,324.00 would be awarded to Stephen Baldwin’s charity.

When Mr. Trump asked what his charity was, I fully expected him to say, “ME! I haven‘t been in a hit movie for a decade and I have mouths to feed!” But Stephen gave the money to his mom’s worthy charity which fights breast cancer.

So, as with every Apprentice installment, someone gets fired. Who would it be? Well, it has to be someone from the losing team, we all know that. This is the part where it gets fun, watching these ladies turn on each other with no guilt whatsoever. The first victim to be fired was playmate Tiffany Fallon. Trump asked her, “Why didn’t you call Hefner to buy some hot dogs?” I can answer that for her, Hef’s not interested in promoting Trump. Hef is interested in promoting Hef. I only know that because we go to the same doctor. Tiffany said she was saving the call to Hef for a later date, she didn’t want to use her ace in the hole (again, no pun intended) for this challenge. Big mistake. The Donald found her weak and she was the first to hear the most famous two words on television, “You’re fired!”

Frankly, if I was on that show and he said those two words to me, I’d answer back with my favorite two words. I’ll give you a hint as to what they are, the first one begins with an “F” and the second word is “you.” Hey, if I’m being fired, what the hell?

All in all the first episode was rather boring and we can only hope for some excitement as the season continues. Probably the most disturbing part of the show is something I have not been able to figure out for years. That’s Gene Simmons’ hair. He has so much money and has the most damaged hair I’ve ever seen. Seriously, it looks like doll hair. Can’t he buy some conditioner or call Vidal Sasson for advice?

I have an idea for the next challenge they are faced with, let’s up the ante, shall we? There are probably two hot dog stands on every block in New York, but only a handful of crack dealers. Let’s see how much money the celebs can raise selling crack. After all, the money does go to charity! One more side note: Stephen Baldwin and Omarosa got into a heated fight in the boardroom. I smell a homemade sex video on the horizon. That's why I'm watching next week.

I must run now as I’m planning my menu of ice cream and fast food for the upcoming episode of The Biggest Loser, it’s really the only way to watch that show.

Cheers!