Fancast: Inside TV

The first person to eat the most chocolate wins. Everyone was in their own booth so no one knew if someone was eating. The winner can swap out someone from their team and put them on the other team. Mark went crazy. Brittany didn’t eat any for 3 minutes then she went to town. Bernie didn’t eat any, what he did was bury his face in the chocolate and covered his face in it. Kinda disgusting looking, but I have a strange feeling this wasn’t the first time he’s done something like that while binging.

Mark won, he ate more than I could count. 43 to be exact. He didn’t want to trade anyone, he just wanted to eat chocolate. He also was having trouble with his leg, he went to see a doctor and he has a stress facture. What a shock, he has to carry around loads of weight.

Last week’s biggest loser was Dan so he gets to climb the mountain to claim his prize. His older brother was up there waiting for him. Dan must love Seinfeld, because he kept quoting Elaine when he saw his brother, “Shut up! Shut up!” Even though his brother didn’t say anything. Then Dan brought his bro to see their mom, Jackie. She was on the treadmill and her son surprised the cake frosting off of her. To date Dan has lost 59 pounds and his mom has lost 40. That’s incredible. I can’t wait till the weigh in tonight.
Mark broke the bad news to Trainer Bob that his leg was in bad shape and he couldn’t do any lower exercises. Dan was able to fit into his skinny jeans, he “claims” they are a 36 inch waist, but maybe my television screen is too big, because he doesn’t look like he’s a 36.

Now we’re ready for the challenge. The contestants are going to cook a healthy meal. Probably for the first time in their lives. They went to Whole Foods and had 15 minutes to pick out healthy food. I enjoy how Mark said he’s never been to Whole Foods. Yeah, that’s because they have HEALTHY food there. Who in the world hasn’t been to Whole Foods? But when I was thinking about it, I never see anyone there that’s fat.
Chef Rocco DiSpirito was the judge, he informed us that he can relate since having just lost 35 pounds. Maybe that’s why his network show was cancelled. No one likes a chubby chef. Maggie and Paul were whipping up appetizers of bacon wrapped shrimp. Oh, excuse me, turkey bacon. Then they had to serve Rocco and he would be the taste judge for their healthy food.

Mark claims to be a good cook while he says his brother Jay can only make toast. I’m sure that he’s also good at buttering his toast too.

The main courses looked good, but let’s get to dessert. Trent and Roger had a dessert that included Jack Daniels, these guys like to party. But they messed up by including 3 tablespoons of butter. Rocco asked what were they thinking using butter? Roger said, “It’s unsalted butter.” Rocco pointed out that doesn’t mean that there’s less calories, just less sodium. Note to self, unsalted butter is bland.

This was a good challenge, watching them cook healthy. The Black team won, good for them. The Blue team has been getting too cocky. The prize is a meal cooked by Rocco and videos from their family.

Rocco told them when they got into the kitchen that he wasn’t going to be cooking for them, but rather showing them how to cook healthy. You never saw so many unhappy cherub faces. In the kitchen Bernie pointed out that he never heard of “lentils” before, that’s because McDonalds doesn’t offer a double lentil cheeseburger. Everyone sat together with Rocco and feasted on their low-cal meal. The second part of their “reward” was videos from home. I like how they use the word, “reward”, that’s what I say when I give my dog a treat for doing a trick.

Bernie’s girlfriend sent a tape and she’s way too cute for him. Especially since we’ve all seen him with his shirt off. He says that he wants to change himself to “compliment her” when they walk side by side.

Onto the weigh in. Dan lost 7 while his mother Jackie only lost a scant 2. Roger was at 309 and dipped 8 pounds. He was aiming to get under three hundred, but missed it by a pound. Please dear God, never let me utter that I want to get my weight under 300. His partner Trent lost 9 lbs. Jay was next. His body is disturbing. He only lost 5 pounds but it’s his saggy boobs that are scary. He looks like my late grandma.

Mark was next and as usual he sucked in his stomach for the weigh in. Even with his injury, he lost 9 pounds. The most for the Blue team. The Blue team lost only a collective 27 pounds, that means for the Black team to win, they need to lose at least 28. Doesn’t seem like a lot between 5 people. Paul lost 12 pounds! Last week he actually gained 3 pounds. Good for him. He’s lost 52 pounds so far in 6 short weeks. Next was Maggie, she lost 5. 211 down to 206. ‘Atta girl. It came down to Brittany and Bernie. Brittany weighed in at 199 and I’m nut a chubby chaser, but I do have a small crush on her. She lost 10 pounds! She is getting sexy. Bernie didn’t even need to step on the scale after Brittany’s 10 lb. loss, Jillian’s team won and they are sending the Blue team to the elimination room. Alison said that Bernie’s weight didn’t matter, but it was “icing on the cake.” They need to use more phrases like that. Bernie lost 13 and he said, “he’s bringing sexy back.” Slow down big fella, Brittany is bringing sexy back.

Who would the Blue team vote off? Mark has immunity since he lost the most weight for the Blue’s. Jackie went to Roger and Trent’s room and asked them if they wouldn’t hate her if she voted off Trent. Well, we now know that she and Dan and will vote for Trent and that Roger and Trent will now vote for Jackie. Jackie then went to Mark and Jay’s room and asked them to swear on their children that they wouldn’t vote her off. I don’t like Jackie, she’s playing dirty pool. It’s a commercial break now, I’m having a cookie and hoping that Jackie’s gone.

But the commercial was also great, it was the first one I’ve seen where Eli Manning, the remarkable quarterback of the Super Bowl winning Giants, declared that he’s going to Disney World. Sorry, I’m a huge Giants fan. Maybe that’s why I love The Biggest Loser, because they are all giants. I know, that’s a lame joke. Trent and Roger both voted to eliminate Jackie. Jay was next, he too voted for Jackie. Good!

Then Mark also cast his vote to remove Jackie. She said they swore on their children’s lives that they weren’t going to vote for her. But she wasn’t looking and they had their fingers crossed behind their backs when they made that promise. Jackie went on and on about how they swore on their children’s lives and how she would never do that. Get lost biatch! Don’t play dirty pool. Dan is pissed that he’s going on without his mommy. I was glad to see Jackie go. With that sportsmanship she doesn’t belong. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some more cookies to finish.