By Tracy Phillips
As Seen On TV
Comcast.net
Tom Bergeron, Samantha Harris and their host of exaggerations kicked off the sixth season of Dancing with the Stars with a two-night introduction that brought in over 20 million viewers. Now that we’ve seen everyone out on the dance floor, here’s a rundown of week 1's winners and snoozers:
The Ladies
Kristi Yamaguchi: The one to beat. Period.
Priscilla Presley: The biggest surprise. She seemed so nervous it made ME nervous, but she pulled down straight 8’s, something called a ‘death spiral’ and got a standing ovation. Elvis would be proud.
Shannon Elizabeth: The hot one. I will be referring to her from now on as ‘Legs.’ I also think she got a wee bit robbed by the judges. Or maybe I was so distracted by her nine miles of legs I didn’t notice any missteps.
Marlee Matlin: The marvel. The deaf actress didn’t miss a beat, and Bruno says he counted every one. She looked like she was having a ton of fun too.
Marissa Jaret Winokur: The hyper one. Seriously, what is she on? She made The Gute’s happiness seem docile. She does earn points for being adorably small and having comically giant hair. And even though she visibly messed up, she’s still pretty good out there. Heretofore christened ‘The Mexican Jumping Bean on Crack.’
Monica Seles: The awkward one. I felt bad for Monica and her pepto pink ‘prom’ gown. And the judges made her cry!
The Guys
Mario: Coming out this strong right out of the gates almost seems unfair. Fun to watch though.
Jason Taylor: I loved season three winner Emmitt Smith and rooted for Jerry Rice, so I already had a soft spot for this hot, hot, hot NFL star. I’m surprised how elegant he was and relieved that he turns out to be a real contender!
Cristian de la Hotstuff: The phrase ‘International heartthrob’ is as cheesy as it gets, but, well, it’s completely appropriate here. A strong dancer, but it’s kind of adorable that the Latin hunk doesn’t have the best rhythm. It’ll be fun watching him find it.
Steve ‘The Gute’ Guttenberg: Kinda geeky, sooooo happy to be there, so-so on the dance floor. But what a doll. Were other viewers as charmed as I was?
Adam Carolla: Painful to watch. Do we think Julianne wanted to be stuck with him so she could duck out of the show early? She has somewhere else to be soon.
Penn Jillette: Bruno said of the 6’6” performer: it was like ‘Shrek goes cha-cha-cha.’ I was thinking Frankenstein, but at least the big oaf is entertaining.
Elimination Predictions
The Women:
Previous patterns have shown the hottest chicks are the first to go (their fan base clearly doesn’t watch), so Shannon Elizabeth and her legs should be worried. But, she was very good so it would be wrong.
Low scorer Monica Seles is the most vulnerable. The woman survived a stabbing!, so I’d like to see her survive another week on the show...but I don’t see it happening.
The Men:
This one’s tough. It shouldn’t be, but it is. Adam Carolla absolutely deserves to go but his partner Julianne Hough (the two-time champ, no less) is an absolute fan favorite, so people could be voting to keep HER on. If that’s the case, magician Penn Jillette will disappear.
All 12 dancing couples get one more chance to perform, Monday, March 24th at 8pm. A double elimination (one guy, one girl) takes place the following night at 9pm (a recap show airs at 8pm).