By Scott Patrick Wagner
Fancast.com
In the latest episode of Brothers & Sisters, titled "Double Negative," Kitty and Rob Lowe strobe from discussing her harvested embryos to dealing with a Vice-Presidency offer from the Repub Prez candidate, Ken Howard (who looks much puffier than when he had that TV sitcom with Gwyneth Paltrow's mother). Ken Howard is also much more of a supreme butthole than he was on the White Shadow, which leads to later drama. Right now, however, all the siblings (including half-sister Rebecca, waiting on news of her paternity DNA test) converge on the homestead to make sure that Mama-Nora-cum-Gidget is doing okay now that she unceremoniously dumped Isaac. She is fine, except planning to redesign the rumpus room, or some such thing she historically does when life gives her lemons. Rebecca excuses herself, but not without a moment with Justin. They exchange such a cute fist-bump goodbye that it's clear that if they're not really related then some serious panty-dropping is on the horizon.
Maybe-not-half-sister Rebecca walks in on Slutty Holly canoodling with her previous and present boyfriend, Dark Guy from thirtysomething. Rebecca's phone rings as her slutty mother exits for work, leaving only Dark Thirtysomething to shoulder the tirade as Rebecca realizes he is her father. Unlike Darth Vader when revealing such information to Luke Skywalker, Dark Thirtysomething doesn't lop off her arm with a light saber, but instead sheepishly admits that he had been such a loser drug-addict that she was better off thinking she was a bastard and/or orphan than having him around. She's pissed, though, and there's gonna be heck to pay with Slutty Liar Holly.
Scotty comes home from work to Kevin, revealing that he ginsu'd his hand and racked up a fortune in stitches at the emergency room. The fact that Kevin is a sharky lawyer who should realize that this work injury should be paid for by the restaurant isn't mentioned, because how would that get us to a gay wedding, the gay bells of which are faintly ringing in the gay distance? And Sarah, who last week was utterly lame asking Uncle Sol to kibosh the deal with the Chinese food people so it "wouldn't be weird" with the cute guy from Wings, got her comeuppance when Uncle Sol acted like a non-idiot and put the deal through anyway. Sarah snorted and mentioned it to oblivious Wings guy, who then snorted at her for being such an idiot. A whole lotta snortin'.
At the benefit that night for cancer kids, Rebecca shows up in a dress that looks very sophisticated (from the front). When Justin corners her to ask about the DNA test, we see the very-naked back of her dress while she tells him that they are still brother and sister. The daughter apparently doesn't fall far from the slutty, lying tree. The next day, Justin wakes Slutty Liar Rebecca up at the crack of pre-dawn to go surfing, a seeming ritual with all Walker siblings. As Justin is strapping the little ankle thing from the surfboard to his "half-sister's" shapely ankle, they are one genome away from panty ripping. Then Dark Thirtysomething — who swore to Rebecca that he'd make things right — totally blows off Slutty Liar Holly and makes up a feeble story of how he has to bail. And bail he does; I guess being around all that sluttiness and lying brings out the no-good loser in a guy.
In the aftermath of Ken Howard's surly, puffy visit to Kitty and Rob Lowe, we learn that Rob has turned down the offer to run with that old windbag. Ken Howard, in fabulous windbag fashion, lets Kitty know that if she had anything to do with it, her husband would be treating her like day-old fart within a year. Kitty and Robert have an actual adult and well-written conversation about all things campaign-y and embryonic-egg-y, and I love the fact that everybody is well-spoken and thoughtful and well-coiffed. Meanwhile, Nora has decided to jettison the rumpus room, and will focus her energy on creating a haven for mothers of cancer kids . . . sort of a Ronette McDonald's House. And Sarah goes to apologize to Uncle Sol and Wings guy for being such a control-freak tool, but they are all mopey (as opposed to snorty). It seems that the Chinese food people went bankrupt, and now Ojai Foods owes the bank two million smackeroos that they don't have. It's too bad Uncle Sol didn't do what Sarah wanted for all the wrong reasons, man. At least Kevin has an idea for Scotty's financial issues: they'll become domestic partners! Scotty, in another of tonight's adult and well-written moments, turns Kevin down and says that he ain't gettin' gay-hitched to nobody for fiduciary issues. Kevin admits that he could make a commitment for insurance purposes, but he's too much of an immature three-year-old to make an emotional commitment. Scotty says no problem, but he's waiting for True Love. All I can say is, Kevin better grow up before those distant gay wedding bells get any closer, or he's gonna look really stupid.