Emily Hochberg
Fancast.com
It’s already that time of year again. It’s time for the season finales when we say goodbye to our beloved TV shows for thre lonely months. There is an upside however. Things happen! Thursday night’s 30 Rock finale included political fallout, pregnancy, porn, pages and “gay bombs.” Okay, so that last one didn’t stick with the alliteration I was going for but it got your attention didn’t it?
We start with Jack as the new department head for the war on homeland security, poor people, and weather crisis management. Liz urges Jack to come back, but he won’t budge until Don Geiss wakes from his coma to say “Jacky boy, you’re the new CEO of GE.” Liz buries her sorrows in Mexican cheese puffs and suddenly realizes she hasn’t felt emotions like this and ate a whole bag of possibly illegal cheese curls since her last “woman’s time.” Which was when exactly? Can you feel the scandal? Liz Lemon is pregnant! Nothing says season finale like unplanned pregnancy.
Or sabotage! While Liz panics over her womb, Kenneth the Page plans to apply to work at the NBC Summer Olympics in Beijing, but soon learns his rival Page tricked him on the due date and has less than a day to complete the application.
And what’s a finale without a big name showy guest star? Why, is that Matthew Broderick? Yep, he plays Cooter Burger, the temporary acting head of FEMA, EPA, FDA, ABCDEFG, or some other combo of acronyms that serves as the home base for Jack’s new department that lacks proper office supplies or patched ceilings.
Back in a fully stocked workplace, Liz takes four positive pregnancy tests and Tracy fulfills his lifelong dream of creating a porno video game. Just another day at the office. Uninspired by using needles for pens, Jack addresses his committee. They need hope. They need change. They need pens! What motivation! Too bad Kenneth didn’t hear it. Out of time, he gives up on his China application and throws it away. Jenna fishes it out along with Liz’s pregnancy test. She confronts Liz and we all learn the unfortunate truth that the suspected father is the Beeper King, Dennis, Liz’s loser ex-boyfriend.
Just as Jack inspires change his assistant calls. Geiss spoke. Two words were uttered. “Jacky Boy.” Forget pens; that’s half the phrase! Jack immediately announces his resignation, but resigning isn’t allowed so he and Cooter conspire to be fired. Model employees running the government, no?
Liz returns home to find Dennis who accidentally stumbled on the baby drama and now wants to name their child Morpheus. Which, in this celebrity baby name day and age, isn’t really all that bad, Liz. Jenna creates a video DVD of herself to serve as Kenneth’s Olympic application essay to save the day and, of course, self promote. It works and Kenneth races his papers in on time in a series of Olympic worthy stunts.
Jack and Cooter create a Bill to serve as the catalyst for termination – a Gay Bomb which causes poor posture and homosexuality. He then returns to see Liz who is not actually pregnant. The Mexican brand cheese curls created a false positive thanks to some misplaced Bull semen, but now she wants to adopt. Anyone else seeing some close parallels to her new movie also on pregnancy and adoption? Hmmm.
Flash forward 3 months. Jack is at the Pentagon. The Gay Bomb was a bust; it only works in enclosed spaces. We learn this just as Cooter knocks it over. In an enclosed space. Cue the rainbows and the Village People!
Tracy’s game is a success as evidenced by Frank’s beard from playing nonstop for months and Kenneth made it to Beijing and into the arms of a Chinese woman only to be interrupted by a ninja with a gun. A ninja with a gun at the Summer Games?! Does this mean the Olympics will actually be worth watching this summer? We’ll need something without the hilarity of 30 Rock…