By Sara A. Bibel
Fancast.com
Beverly Hills 90210 was one of the few shows that everyone in my family watched. For my uncle’s 60th birthday, two of my cousins composed an ode to his love of BH 90210 set to the tune of Hotel California. So I was psyched to recap this show. To prepare, I took advantage of the CW’s local promotion: free lunch at Kokomo café, the filming location for the new Peach Pit. It sounded great. It turned out to be a menu of three items. You had to buy a drink in order to get one. After waiting in line for half an hour, I waited another half an hour for my Belgian waffle. The table next to me that ordered at the same time was served right away. The waiter informed me it took so long because the restaurant only had one waffle iron. The food was disappointingly bland. The experience was a perfect metaphor for 90210.
Fade in: stock shots of Beverly Hills as the Walshes Wilsons enter 90210 in their wholesome minivan. There’s Debbie (Mom), Harry (Dad/the new principal of West Beverly) and the kids: Annie (AKA Darcy from Degrassi -- the other teen soap that was resurrected for the 21st century) and her adopted African American brother Dixon. This is the same set-up as South of Nowhere. The CW: just like The N without the cable bill. The kids are pissed about leaving Kansas. They arrive at their grandmother, Tabitha’s house. Tabitha tells them to move their ugly car. I’ve found my new best friend.
At school, Annie sees Ethan, the guy she kissed during a summer visit. Why are they acting like BH is some scary foreign country when they already know people? Ethan appears to be getting a BJ from a girl.
In journalism class Dixon befriends Navid, who is Persian -- a touch of realism given the actual demographics of Beverly Hills. The campus television station’s reporter is Hannah Zuckerman-Vasquez. Awesome!
A hot teacher, Ryan Matthews, welcomes Annie to class. Bitchy Naomi is assigned to be Annie’s buddy. Naomi kisses Ethan, who isn’t attractive enough to justify being the lust object of every female on the show.
Annie is disappointed she couldn’t start school in time to try out for the musical. If her Dad’s the principal, why did they arrive after school started? Was the former principal murdered? I hope Emily Valentine did it! Theater chick Adrianna buys drugs from a skater.
Alterna chick Silver befriends Annie. This really is like South of Nowhere. Maybe they’ll become lesbian lovers. Naomi drags Annie away and invites her to her Sweet Sixteen. Naomi’s parents complain to Harry, guidance counselor Kelly and Ryan about Naomi being forced to work while preparing for her Sweet Sixteen. Naomi’s mom is Harry’s ex. How Gossip Girl.
Nat is working at the Peach Pit, which is indeed the Kokomo Café in real life. Buy another waffle iron, Nat! Naomi gets a text that she has to write the paper. Annie gives her an old paper she wrote on the topic.
Dixon kicks ass in his lacrosse tryout. George gets bumped down to JV so Dixon can take his spot. He shoves Dixon, who hits him back. Annie tells Dixon about the Ethan hummer. He suggests that Ethan’s not that into Naomi. You think?
Naomi runs into Ryan at a nightclub. She claims she‘s finished her paper. Naomi leaves her bag behind. Adrianna swipes it.
The next morning Annie finds out that Silver made a cartoon portraying Annie as a hayseed for her blog. Silver considers anyone who is friendly to Naomi to be the enemy. Kelly lectures Silver, her little sister, about her blog. Silver gets Annie a part in the musical’s chorus. Annie accepts Silver‘s apology.
Annie is shocked Naomi copied her paper. What did she think would happen? Harry asks Annie why Naomi turned in her paper. How did he find out? Or recognize it? Naomi is pissed when Annie confesses. She uninvites Annie to her party. Harry tells Naomi to rewrite the paper. Naomi is offended when her mother suggests she isn’t Yale material and decides to prove her wrong. No way Yale’s going to pick Naomi over Blair Waldorf.
Ethan lies to Harry about Dixon. Coach Ryan kicks Dixon off the team. Annie blasts Ethan. Dixon gets revenge by texting Naomi that Ethan is cheating on her. Ethan and George fight. Ethan tells Annie that he told the truth. Dixon’s back on the team. When she gives Dixon the news, he freaks about the text.
The Wilson parents think they have to be stricter because there’s more temptation than in Kansas. Oh, please. It’s not like they moved to Wasilla, Alaska. Debbie persuades Harry not to ground Annie until after the party. Why is Annie grounded? She didn’t know Naomi was going to cheat. It turns out that Annie already left.
Annie crashes Naomi’s party with Silver. Harry shows up to track Annie down. Naomi’s mom tells him they had a child 20 years ago that she put up for adoption. Harry fills Debbie in about the son he’s never met. They’re unsure what to do next.
Adrianna gives Naomi back her bag, containing her phone. Naomi gets Dixon’s text . She asks Ethan if he’s cheating on her. He can’t answer. Silver takes Annie to Santa Monica beach. She hilariously tells Annie that there’s a whole world outside of Beverly Hills, as if Santa Monica isn’t every bit as wealthy. Where’s she going to take her next, Brentwood? Ethan thanks Annie for helping him remember who he really is. Are we supposed to root for the two of them to get together? Maybe if Ethan gets an STD test.
Annie breaks up with her Kansas boyfriend, Jason. Ty, the lead in the musical, asks her to dinner. Debbie lets her go provided that Annie picks up Tabitha’s laptop. Ty flys her to San Francisco via private jet. When they return, Annie learns Tabitha got in a car accident on her way to pick up her laptop. She’s fine, but Annie is forbidden to go out on school nights. Again, weird parenting. It’s not Annie’s fault Tabitha drove against doctor’s orders.
Annie notices Naomi and Silver have the same tattoo. Silver reveals that they used to be best friends. Silver makes a cartoon about Ethan cheating on Naomi. Naomi kisses George for revenge. Ethan admits that he cheated on her because he wanted out and officially breaks up with her. How were they not broken up already? Ty shows up at Annie’s house and kisses her as Ethan approaches. Ethan leaves before Annie sees him.
Adrianna tells Ryan she hopes to get a part in a movie so she can pay the mortgage. Adrianna, high, flees her audition. She lies to Ryan that it went great.
Palisades High fills the halls of West Beverly with garbage. Harry forbids retaliation. The team won’t tell Dixon their plans because he‘s the principal‘s son. Tabitha reveals Harry set pigs loose at Palisades when he was a kid. Navid borrows pigs from his father the porn producer. The team, impressed, drops them off at Palisades. This show can’t decide whether it wants to be Gossip Girl or Seventh Heaven. Harry demands the culprits confess. Dixon takes the blame, and is kicked off the team for the second time tonight. Ethan and Navid admit their roles in pig-gate. Harry lets Dixon back on the team, but punishes him as his father. The Wilsons are fascists.
Ryan asks Kelly out on a date. He bungles his response when she tells him she has a son.
Ryan drops by Kelly’s place with flowers. Brenda answers the door -- potential love triangle. Kelly agrees to go out with Ryan.
90210
9-2-08 - “We’re Not In Kansas Anymore/ The Jet Set”
