Fancast: Inside TV

The show begins inside a giant pun. Dexter is sitting in the dentist’s office, which is stark white, and we listen as Dexter fills in the dentist about his summer. After many jokes about having a “killer summer,” the scene cuts to Dexter screwing Rita’s brains out. Since when have these two become such sex bunnies? Later at breakfast, Cody asks Dexter to go to Daddy Day at his school. Dexter agrees, and am I detecting affection? I hope not. Let’s not digress. The real point of this show is the self-imposed justice of our hero, and first on the list for this season is a man named Fred Bowman aka Freebo. He apparently killed a couple chicks and escaped the proper channels of punishment, so Dexter must get his hands dirty.

At the station, Dexter comes bearing donuts to play into his innocent façade. He’s too wrapped up in the Original Glazed to notice little sis’s new hairdo. She’s such a control freak that she throws a mini-tantrum. Along with her new cut, Deb has also been given more duties in the force. She’s convinced herself that she’s on the brink of making detective. Me, I’m not so sure. On the path to her new life of glory, she’s also given up men, liquor and smokes. Get in line, sister. Maria LaGuerta is still more important than God (in her own mind, of course), but she manages to direct the spotlight away from herself for a few seconds to announce that the lovable Angel Batista has been promoted to Detective Sergeant. This actually makes me happy. I want to see someone with a decent head on his shoulders make a few important decisions for once. Deb, being the ever-optimist, is excited because that opens up a detective spot for her. Nice to see that she’s still thinking of others.

When I grow up, I want to live in a pink house and sell drugs to children. Or not. Dexter approaches Freebo’s house and pretends to need some candy in order to get buzzed in. Kudos to the drug dealer for having a teenager as your lookout. Inside, Freebo is sucking hardcore at his video games, but the TV is pretty sweet. Mental note to not be upset that a drug dealer can afford my biggest wish in life—a big-screen HDTV—while I’ve been saving for it for two years. Meanwhile, a hooker makes her escape and tells Freebo that his dick can suck itself from now on. I second that motion. Dexter’s seen enough. He’s pretty sure he can justify killing Freebo now, and leaves to take care of the remaining details.

On a side note, some chick from Internal Affairs approaches Deb to do some spy work. The new guy, Quinn, is under some kind of suspicion but she won’t tell Deb what it is. I’m not a nark, Deb says. I get the feeling that this storyline is unimportant right now but will regain steam in future episodes.

Over at the pink house, Dexter sneaks in prepared to strike like a cobra. But, it looks like someone has beat him to the punch. Freebo is in the living room fighting some random guy. Dexter somehow gets in the middle of the fight and ends up one-on-one with mystery dude. Freebo runs away, and Dexter accidentally stabs mystery dude to death. That’s a first. Once he realizes what he’s done, he also notices that his new crown that the dentist just installed has become dislodged during the scuffle. No time to find it now… time to make a hasty exit. He dislodges the murder weapon and takes it with him, just in case. That night, Rita makes him visit her for some midnight nookie. Give the man some space! The next morning, the pink house is swarmed with police and Dexter is called to the scene. Everyone seems freaked out and Dexter is filled in on the identity of mystery dude. His name is Oscar Prado and he’s a top prosecutor in Florida. Oh shit. Dexter just accidentally killed a very important man. Oh, by the way, Oscar’s brother is Miguel Prado (enter: Jimmy Smits), the district attorney. Oh shit. Well, at least Dexter found his tooth before it was discovered.

Angel fills in Dexter on the background of the situation. Lt. LaGuerta used to do the push-push with Miguel back in the day; so… her tenacity, Miguel’s need for vengeance, and Oscar’s public image will keep this case in the forefront. Dexter immediately tries to dig up info on Oscar, somehow convinced that Oscar wasn’t the shining beacon of goodness that everyone thought. Unfortunately, the only thing on Oscar’s criminal record was an illegal U-turn. Deb also tries to take matters into her own hands. Quinn has suggested she talk to a snitch, who tells her nothing about Freebo but is convinced that Oscar was a junkie. Silly Debra, being all excited over the new development, proclaims to the heavens that Oscar did drugs. She should have known that LaGuerta and Miguel were standing right behind her. To no one’s surprise, LaGuerta tells Angel to remove Deb from the case due to her lack of tact. Never mind the fact that she presented some kick-ass new evidence.

Every year on Harry’s birthday, the Morgan kids get together and have a few shots in daddy’s honor. Dexter decides it’s more important to go to Oscar’s wake. He shows up in a suit, and after I rolled my tongue back in my mouth, I decided it was fitting that the last time I saw Michael C. Hall in a suit at a funeral was when he was on Six Feet Under, where he was always wearing suits and at a funeral. I was hoping for a Peter Krause cameo. At least we have Jimmy Smits, who is doing a wonderful job as the grief-stricken brother of the victim (although he will never replace Doakes in my heart). The next day, Dexter is called to a murder scene of a Jane Doe, and after turning her over to get a look at her wounds, Dexter recognizes her as the same hooker that was with Freebo earlier. She has a strange square-like wound on her shoulder, and me thinks this is the signature mark o’ the season. After this scene, Dexter realizes that he’s going to have to make his own code. Harry’s code is officially debunked. So, off to Rita’s to eat chocolate pudding and shag like bunnies. Before mass consumption of cocoa commences, Rita has a realization: the last time she craved pudding was when she was pregnant. Good lord... he’s spawning.